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2014,07,14, Monday
たねっこに加えてもらった頃の、（わ）と（う）の、とうとう見つけたぞというような、生き生きとした様子がとても印象的でした。昨年は、ほぼ丸々一年間、母子ともども、のびのびと過してきました。
 新年度を迎えて早3ヶ月、梅雨もそろそろ明けそうです。ここにきて、私たち家族は、たねっこに通うのを、いったんやめることにしました。 春から年長となる（う）は、憧れのRくんに代わって「隊長になる！」と意気込んで、春の到来を楽しみにしていました。けれど思い描いていた自分の姿とは程遠く、年下ながらも、たねっこキャリアの長い男の子たちに、してやられることも多かったようです。  また、参加する家族も、子どもの年齢幅も広がったたねっこでは、体制を整え直すことにも取り組み始め、たった週2日ですが、大きい子組と小さい子組に分かれる新ルールが導入されました。 もともと隊長としてうまく出来ていなかった（う）がショックだったのは、（わ）が（す）と（ま）と一緒に小さい子組に行ってしまうこと。もともと『親は子どもの成長をきちんと見守り、子どもはその安心感と自然の中で伸び伸びと過ごす』ことを大事にしてきたたねっこで、その通りに一年間過ごしてきた（う）にとって、あまりにも大きな変化だったのかもしれません。しかもこのヒステリーな5歳児には、年長としての成長も求められるようになります。  けれどよく考えてみれば、保育所にも通ったことのない君は、“年長”を“ネンチョー”くらいにしか、認識していなかったんだよね。唯一目の当たりにしてきた“ネンチョー”のRくんさえ、保護者がずっと付いていたのに、なぜ君にはそれが許されなかったんだろうね？  昨年からのギャップにずっと苦しんでいた（う）は、保護者さえ見失い、この3ヶ月ですっかり打ちのめされてしまった様子。自己嫌悪を重ね、また不信感も大きくなるという悪循環。少し前から、とうとう「もう、たねっこに行きたくない」とも言うようになり、近頃では、遊ぶことへの意欲までなくなってしまいました。顔つき、目つきもおかしい。 たねっこでなら、みんなで話し合って、改善策も準備できるでしょう。けれど問題の共有や、みんなの納得いく方策を見出すには時間がかかりそう。その間、（う）はどうやって過ごすのか。これまでの経過を考えると、たねっこに通いながら回復を図るのは難しそうだし、もはやそもそも、たねっこへの僕たちの想いを優先できる状況ではないのではないか。 台風一過を待つさなか、雨戸も閉めきって、囲炉裏を前に家族会議。みんなで納得して、たねっこに通うのをやめることを決めました。決まるなり笑顔になって、（う）は我が家のホワイトボードに「うめお たねっこ そつぎょう」と書き込みました。あ、解放だ・・・。  さあ、毎日が夏休み、その日々の再開です。ほんの少し前まではこんな毎日だったのだから、し易いこと。いまの僕たちにできることと言えば、これまで学んできたことを、ここで生かして保育に向き合うことです。  うん、その笑顔。それを出せるとき、君がどの子よりも、たねっこの子どもらしく、のびのび、生き生きとしていることを、僕たちは知っている。  そしてそのヒステリックな性格が、「これが、こうあってほしい」という強い気持ちや、やりはじめたらなかなかやめない、大人でも驚くような根気と、背中合わせなことを知っている。そういった面までなくなったら、もったいないよねぇ。  でも癇癪が周りを傷つけ、自分を窮地に追い込むことが、確かにあるよ。だから、うまく付き合っていくことは大切なんだ。そのための練習には、けれどもきちんとした自己研究（医学書院出版の『べてるの家の「当事者研究」』を参照のこと）と、十分に公正で公平な環境が必要だね。 君は、本当は、いい子なんだよ。  この一件で、あまり目を向けられることのない（す）ですが、なかなか興味深い子です。もともと問題を抱えているようにも見えず、いつも楽しそうにしていたのに、家族会議で意思を問うと、「たねっこ行かん」ときっぱり言い放ちました。近所のジイやんバアやんに「今日は、お山の学校行かんのかい？」なんて聞かれると、「もう、たねっこ行かんので」と返答します。 （す）には僕たちにはないスマートな理解力と、意志の固さがあるのかもしれません。もちろん、いまも元気よく日々を過ごしています。  みかん山で仕事をしながら、ふと思い出しました。一年前、（わ）が（ま）と退院する日の朝のこと。隣で寝ていた（う）は、目を覚ますなりデヘヘと笑い出して、その数日間つきっきりにしていた僕に、不意に礼を言いました。優しさにあふれた一言でした。「二人とも帰ってくるって。よかったねぇ！」と、すぐさま抱き合って二人で喜びました。 みんながこの家族を愛している。それを頼りに、また組み立て直そう。（ま）の誕生日を迎える当月は、私たち家族としても、大きな節目となりそうです。  （ゆ） Summer vacation, everyday -vol.2 I clearly remember how happy Wakana and Umeo looked like when they joined Tanekko. Since then, for almost one year, they had felt relaxed and spent time unconstrained. It has been already three months since the new fiscal year started in Tanekko, and now the rainy season is about to end. However, we have decided to stop going to Tanekko, at least for the time being. Three months ago, as R-kun entered elementary school, Umeo became the oldest child in Tanekko, greatly excited to become a "leader". She had an ideal image of a leader like R-kun, but the reality was far from it. Younger boys, who had joined Tanekko much before Umeo, took the initiative in many ways. At the same time, Tanekko had made a new system which was to divide older and younger children twice a week. This was because Tanekko had grown in number, and age groups got varied. In addition to Umeo's struggle of being a "leader", she was shocked to know that Wakana had to go with the younger class (including Sukla and Makasa) on those two days a week. When we joined Tanekko, its concept was that "parents observe children's growth accurately, and children spend their time freely with nature and with adults' kind eyes", and she enjoyed the first year exactly in that way. So, the new system of grouping seemed like too big a change for her. Moreover, five-year-old Umeo, who is a kind of hysterical by nature, was expected to behave as a ideal "Nencho" (seniority) in Tanekko. However, come to think of it, dear Umeo, who has never entered any pre-school nor observed "seniority" before, what did the word "Nencho" mean to you? R-kun was the only sample Umeo had seen, and he was allowed to play freely under the watchful and warm eyes of his guardian at Tanekko, but why not to you? Since Umeo had become a "Nencho", she had been struggling, and besides that, it seemed like she had lost her guardian in Tanekko in the new system. With self-hatred and a sense of distrust, it became a vicious circle. Finally, she had started saying that she didn't want to go to Tannekko anymore, and her facial expression didn't look healthy. Furthermore she had had an unusual look in her eyes. We were sure that if time allowed, we could discuss this deeply with other Tanekko members and find out a way to make the situation better. However, it seemed like it required a plenty of time to find any solutions that made sense to all the members. How would Umeo spend her time during those days in that case? Considering how she had been during last several months, it seemed very difficult for her to keep going to Tanekko even though parents started discussing...furthermore, even if we, parents, had great hope for Tanekko as "an alternative childcare", this was not the time to give priority to our thoughts any more. It was the day of typhoon approaching, so we closed all the storm windows, and then of us all sat around the Irori fireplace to discuss. All of us, Umeo, Sukla, I and Wakana (with Makasa on her back), were satisfied with the decision, that was to stop going to Tanekko. As soon as we came to this conclusion, Umeo showed her smile and stood out to write something on the whiteboard hanging on the wall: "Umeo graduates from Tanneko". Ah, yes, the sense of liberation...! Well, "every day summer vacation" had started once again! It's not difficult at all because they had been used to spend every day in that way till some time before. What we can do as parents is to face "childcare" utilizing what we had experienced and learned throughout our careers. Yes, Umeo, that's your smile. We know that when you give the smile, you are the child who is unconstrained and sparkling more than anyone else; you look exactly like a Tanekko kid. We also know that your positive energy is back on to your personality, with traits of hysteria and strong will, and imagination of how things should be. We also know that you have the power of concentration once you start doing something, which even adults get surprised. We don't wish to lose such traits. However, having a tantrum, you may, indeed, hurt others and put yourself into a corner. That's why you need to learn how to get along with the tantrum. In order to practice that, proper autology (reffer to "Autology of Bethel House" published by Igakushoin) and just and equitable environment are required, aren't they? You're really a good girl, you know. During all these happenings, Sukla was not paid any special attention, but he is actually an interesting boy. He didn't look like having any specific problems, rather having enjoyed Tanekko days, but when we asked his opinion during family meeting of the storm day, he clearly answered "I won't go to Tanekko anymore, too". Even when our neighboring grandpa and grandma asked him "won't you go to the mountain school today?", he repeated "we don't go there anymore!". Sukla may have a kind of smart ability, that we don't have, to understand situations and also a strong will. Of course, he is fine and naughty as usual even now. When I was working in my citrus field, I just remembered one episode. It was the morning of the day when Wakana and Makasa were discharged and supposed to come home. As soon as she woke up on the futon next to me, Umeo showed me her smile and thanked me suddenly. She thanked me for spending whole days with herself and Sukla while Wakana was at hospital, and those were such warm words! Then we hugged each other for joy saying "they will be back soon, yeah!!" All of us love ourselves as a family. This fact is our start, and we can reconstruct from that point. This is the month of Makasa's birthday, and at the same time, a month of a big turning point for us. Yuki |
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